Parenting in Japan and the World

Parenting

Overview

    In this week’s lesson, we discussed parenting, including methods of parenting, opinions on parenting, and some related concepts important in Japanese culture. A concept I found particularly interesting is the idea of the “Baby Emperor,” where children between ages 0–5 are treated, as the name suggests, like an emperor. During this period, babies receive extra care intended to support their development. In what follows, I describe some similarities and differences between child-rearing in Japan and Canada.

Similarities and Differences Between Japan and Canada    

    In Canada, based on observing my own relationship with my parents and reflecting on my friends’ families, I have generally noticed that the father often assumes the role of family authority, while the mother tends to be the caregiver. Children sometimes have a more horizontal relationship with their mother and a more vertical relationship with their father in terms of hierarchy.

    However, in Japan, according to Tanaka (1984), despite Japanese women sometimes being viewed as submissive, maternal authority is quite common in Japanese families. While the conventional “man as breadwinner” and “woman as caregiver” dynamic remains, the mother’s ability to provide a comfortable home life often grants her broader authority. Tanaka (1984) highlights that a man’s success “depends on his woman,” explaining that because uchi no kaachan (“my wife,” literally “the mother of my house”) is strong, “he cannot do a thing without her permission” (p. 227). Thus, although gender roles in Japan and Canada appear similar, the perception of who holds household authority differs.

    These differences in authority may relate to the concept of amae. This is a nuanced and debated concept, but Yamaguchi and Ariizumi (2006) describe it as a type of interpersonal interaction that involves an extraordinary or non-ordinary request from one person to another, which the other person chooses to indulge. For example, it may be considered acceptable for a husband to behave childishly even though he is an adult, as both parties have agreed to suspend ordinary expectations. Yamaguchi and Ariizumi (2006) note that such episodes are seen as a form of emotional intimacy rather than dependency. Those who do not engage in amae episodes may even be viewed as emotionally cold.

    This convention may help explain why Japanese men are sometimes more willing to be emotionally vulnerable and view their wives as figures of authority. In Canada, however, men are often expected to remain stoic, as emotional expression is sometimes stigmatized as feminine. These tendencies may explain why Western family dynamics are often more dominated by the father, who is stereotyped as the rational and emotionally restrained figure. Personally, I believe a more horizontal relationship between partners is best, as it promotes mutual respect and helps children develop positive views of both parents rather than categorizing them into fixed roles such as the nurturing mother and the strict father.

Video Insights

    In Day in the Life of a Japanese Working Mom, I was surprised to see such a gentle parenting strategy. This is certainly not negative, though I was shocked since Asian countries are sometimes stereotyped as being strict. What resonated with me most was when the mother said she rarely yells at her children because once something happens, time cannot be rewound to fix it. I think this is a very healthy approach to parenting and relationships in general. When accidents happen, people usually recognize their mistakes, and scolding them for what they already understand is rarely productive.

Conclusion

    While there are similarities in conventional gender roles, one of the biggest differences I have observed is who assumes authority in the family. In Japan, this may more often be the mother, whereas in Canada it is usually the father. I suggest that this emotional vulnerability allowing the husband to be subordinate to the wife could be related to the concept of amae (Yamaguchi & Ariizumi, 2006). Over time, as Japanese families spend less time living with grandparents, many traditional child-rearing practices are adapting to new methods (Nishimura, 1998).

References

Nishimura, K. (1998). Child rearing in Japan: current trends and problems. Pediatrics International, 40(2), 182-185.

Tanaka, M. (1984). Maternal authority in the Japanese family. Senri Ethnological Studies, 11, 227-236.

Yamaguchi, S., & Ariizumi, Y. (2006). Close interpersonal relationships among Japanese: Amae as distinguished from attachment and dependence. In Indigenous and cultural psychology: Understanding people in context (pp. 163-174). Boston, MA: Springer US.